ToiletLife™ · Est. a couple of years ago, allegedly
Toilets & toilet repairs.
Taken way too seriously.
“Because your previous toilet wasn't ready.” Premium porcelain, Quantum Flush™ technology and an AI that treats every broken toilet as an engineering emergency.
- 0times you flushed
- 0/10previous toilet durability
- 0 msflush latency (Gaming™)
Professional Collection
The ToiletLife™ Catalogue
Eight toilets. Totally Real™ features. Prices in Saudi riyals because that's what the lore says.
ToiletLife AI™ Recommendation Engine
Help me buy a new toilet!!!!!!!
Describe your toilet emergency. Our AI will diagnose it, panic, and recommend something expensive.
Awaiting user input…
Declassified (mostly)
ToiletLife™ Intelligence Archive
Official company records. Completely fictional and highly suspicious.
ANNOUNCEMENT Welcome to ToiletLife — The Start of a New Adventure
Dear all, this post marks the official start of the ToiletLife Adventure! I'd like to personally thank all of you for joining, and can guarantee that you will get immediate updates on ALL Toilet Related Activity.
Some Basic Rules:
- No 25% Italians whose names start with Fazbear may join this group.
That's it! Thank you for joining!!
SECURITY Internal Security Notice: Subject Fazbear
There are names you hear once and immediately forget. Fazbear is not one of them.
According to the completely fictional and highly suspicious ToiletLife™ archives, Fazbear somehow became deeply involved with ToiletLife™ during the company's mysterious “Project FlushForce” era.
His exact position was never clearly established. Some documents describe him as a “consultant.” Others simply say “DO NOT GIVE HIM THE BATHROOM KEY.”
Whenever Fazbear entered a ToiletLife™ facility, toilets allegedly flushed without being touched. Employees reportedly hid their plungers. One particularly nervous intern claimed that Fazbear could identify a toilet's weaknesses merely by looking at it.
ToiletLife™ officially denies having any connection to Fazbear. Unfortunately, their denial was printed on ToiletLife™ letterhead, signed by Fazbear.
If Fazbear tells you that a ToiletLife™ toilet has a “lifetime guarantee,” remember: he may be referring to the lifetime of the toilet. He is also BAD at CS!
INTEL UPDATE The Great Departure (aboard the PEE-SMELLING BUS™)
Following the catastrophic events surrounding the ToiletLife™ organization, Fazbear has officially left the region aboard a PEE-SMELLING BUS™. Witnesses described the vehicle as having:
- Questionable interior hygiene
- An atmosphere described as “aggressively yellow”
- A driver who apparently wanted no involvement whatsoever
- A smell that caused at least three imaginary ToiletLife™ employees to evacuate
Destination: ITALY. Fazbear claims he has “moved there to start a new life.” Nobody knows what the old life was. Nobody is asking.
Current profession
After arriving in Italy, Fazbear reportedly began collecting flashlights for a living. Why? Unknown. How? Also unknown. What does he do with them? Nobody knows.
Truck simulator incidents
Fazbear can reportedly be found playing truck driving simulator whenever he gets the opportunity, and considers this a legitimate career path. His greatest achievement is completing a journey without: A. Crashing · B. Getting lost · C. Screaming “SHAWARMA”. Option C remains impossible.
The SHAWARMA incident
ToiletLife™ psychological analysts have classified the random screaming as: “Extremely annoying but technically not illegal.”
Final objective: STEAL THE 1050 Ti
The reason remains unclear. The method remains unclear. The location of the legendary 1050 Ti™ remains classified.
ToiletLife™ recommendation: if you see Fazbear approaching with a flashlight while screaming “SHAWARMA!”, secure your truck simulator, protect the 1050 Ti, and do not get on the bus.
INCIDENT The Void: superbuster_36 has fallen
A loyal member was last seen constructing a “3 layer magic john screen protector bed defense”. Moments later: superbuster_36 fell into the void.
“Our members will do everything in their power to get him back (including getting him a ToiletLife toilet!)”
Rescue operations are ongoing. A toilet is, once again, the solution.
PARTNERSHIP Proposal: The Lunar Plate
A marketing representative from matej and Fazbear's jolly good industries (submitted by qihoo) writes:
“I believe we can collaborate together using our newest invention: THE LUNAR PLATE. We could make sustainable, hygienic lunar plate toilets designed specifically for midnight rests… dm for trade :DDDD”
Status: under review. ToiletLife™ has expanded to space toilets.
CASE STUDY The ToiletLife™ Phenomenon
An independent analyst (who asked not to be named, because of Fazbear) summarizes our history in seven stages:
- Brand creation: “Let's make a fictional toilet company.”
- Product satire: ridiculous toilets receive ridiculous specifications.
- Corporate world-building: officers, archives, security notices and projects appear.
- Character mythology: Fazbear becomes a recurring mysterious figure.
- Cross-domain contamination: Magic John, Lunar Plate and friends enter the universe.
- Narrative escalation: scandals and the void become part of the setting.
- Self-sustaining mythology: the community now writes the lore itself.
“The deepest joke in ToiletLife is arguably that the toilets stopped being the joke a long time ago. The TL-9000 isn't merely a toilet. It is infrastructure for the mythology.”
Customer & community feedback
The Wall of Reviews
Unfiltered, unverified and unreasonably loyal.
I REFUNDED MY GAMING TL-3000 INSTANTLY
can i unlock the bootloader on the TL-9000 TITAN?
Why is the 25% Italian who's name starts with Fazbear so BAD at CS? How can someone be that bad!?
becuz his bus didnt smell like pee
when do we get magic john screen protectors for our toilets ;((?
Шолја Живот
I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TOILETLIFE
Will check it out. Not sure how its connected to Toilet Related Activities but the Toiletiers are ON IT!
Brand kit
The ToiletLife™ Identity
Our logos and palette. Please do not stretch, recolor or flush them.
